Tuesday, March 17, 2009

And We all Fall down ---


--it was as if
we were detonated

fated to fall,



to tumble like twin towers,
crumbling cares
around wasteland's waist

and we knew
the taste of dust
that doused a thousand dreams.
We rumbled realities
to crash carelessness
through windows
of non-reflective refurbishments

neglecting to mention
new notions
that wiped our wishes away

and day--

that raised referendums
through ill-defined moments.


You became my torment,

twisting metallic meanings
through my screaming-space,
to erase feelings
that somehow fell too far


I drifted down
your sifted shames
and lost at love's games
within your greedy grasp

while my voice played victor
to your dictated dilemmas.

We started atop seperate roofs,
produced proof
of chinese conspiracies
and weighed whispers
upon the lids of lesser lives...

and as the mirage of you
dies,
my cries simply stop
and I smear your memory
within the tread
of terrorist taunts--

you haunt me no more,
while you walk your wisdoms
on the walls of other souls,

to grow only grief
within wails

of your solitary demise.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Jars of Clay ( band )

" Worlds Apart "

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart


I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart


( OST from the movie " FALL " )


Sunday, March 8, 2009

On the road to Self Destruction.

Sleep is .......... difficult .
breathing.......... an effort.
Life is................. demanding.
Happiness..... impossible .
Hope ........ invisible.
Agony is......... overbearing
Pain is ........ unstoppable
Fate is ...... uncompromising.

& i am all out of

Love
faith
affection
patience
forgiveness
and
hope

all that is left is..

Regret
Shame
and
Suffering

I was a woman of faith !
Faith In Religion
Faith In GOD
Faith in family
faith in friends
Faith in my loved one's.

From being up all night kneeled down in prayer.
I no longer believe in anything ..
Nor in religion
Nor in GOD
nor in family
nor in friends
nor in my loved one's
NOR in Myself !
I AM FAITHLESS !

People are so cruel, so so cruel .. They pass out judgements ..make their own stories and sum up their own assumptions to come to bitter conclusions !
i want to ask them..
But have you suffered what i have ?
have you even had a chance to glimpse at the life i've lead till now?
want to take a trip down the hell road then ?

Yet , fate is an impartial mistress!
And rules me guilty , in the court of justice...
Out of love & out of Hope
I found peace in you ..
You were ..my last hope !
the wind that kept afloat my sinking ship ...
And you .. my love .. worked as ' taizaab' ( its amazing how this word rhymes with you ) ' acid'
that seeped inside my skin and burned me to the bone.. till it left me..
naked ...
Skin-less
with holes in my bones ..
or rather ...
Hole in my Soul ..

sigh

What have i done ?!?!?
Where am i going ?
what will i do ?
Life is an agony now ..
Not even a single glimpse of hope !

yet i havent still
sinned or been immortal ... but i get punished everyday ..
People are scared to go to Hell ..
I have been there & still standing on burning fire .. but i dont feel the heat .. maybe because i been here too long ! I have been burning alive so long , my body and soul are now used to it !

Everyday is now a sinking Sun .. on the horizon
While i stand on the shore
barefeet ..
reaching out ..
to catch the dying light ..
I stretch Out ..
try to hold on to the last ..
dying ray of the sun ..
As the sea devours
the brightness
& its Dark again ..
& i'm sightless like the blind ...
Again ...

And i wonder ?
Will i ever see light again ..
Will i ever experience something as minor as ' HOPE'
or as huge as ' HAPPINESS"
or as Grand as ' CONTENTMENT'

Will i ever write any happy thoughts on this blog ?
will i ever be positive about anything in life ..
EVER !?

Monday, March 2, 2009

The most Peaceful place in the world ..
that is suppose to provide you ..
with the coolest shade in hard in rough times ..

Has become the fiery pits of hell ..................................

Sunday, March 1, 2009

welcome 2 your 'New' Game.. Once again play-ya !
waitin 4 U2 Rot in HELL ..
4 Eternity.................