What is the opposite of two?

~ A lonely me ~

~ A lonely you ~

*period*

( aint that Grand ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE YOU ...........

I hate the way you talk to me

And the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive yr car

I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots

And the way you read my mind

I hate you so much that it makes me sick

It even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh

Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you're not around

And the fact that you didn't cal

But mostly I hate the way

I don't hate you

Not even close,

not even a little bit,

not even at all.

Sigh !!! :(((((((((((

i miss u.

U werent There ...

You weren’t there

when you should have been

You weren’t there

When I told everyone you would be!

My night in shining amour

Became rusty overnight

My soul mate forgot he had another half!

Oh how I wish..

you had been there!

Through all the terrors and the pain

When life had lost all meaning

And my mind was in distress

And I wandered as a ghost ( still wandering)

I always thought

that you would be‘The One’

to sleigh the dragon

To raise me from the fiery pit

And rock me back to health

Safe in your arms ..

You weren’t there

in the cold dawn

Warm arms wrapped around me.

It was not your car I heard

As I staggered to the window

Eyes swollen from grief and loss

The voice I heard through sedation

In the hospital,

was not yours

You were not arriving

To take me away

My longing’s cruel trick ..

I would have walked on broken glass

Stared Medusa in the face

Starved and suffered

just to know

You were alright,

not left your side

From daybreak to daybreak ..

Oh God! No matter how I view it

No matter how I try to analyze

Your sudden withdrawal from my loving world

The facts speak for themselves

You weren’t there!

Sigh !

Today .. i suffer from the pain .. yet again ..
that takes over me every 29 & a half Days of every Month ...
The uncurable disease called
' HEARTACHE '

Precious

Today a Friend called me ..
' PRECIOUS'
a Girl .. more of a sister 2 me ..
n i broke down ..
cuz thats wat u used 2 call me ..
was it ...
another time ..
or
another world ?
when things were so different .
so Beautiful..

* Sigh *

My Hatered and Love 4 u .. Co-exists side by side inside me ...

( What Wishful Thinking of an Illusional & a delusional FOOL )
* The gods must be laughing at me *

Your Effortless Moves ....

I try not to think about you now.. But there isnt still a day that Goes by when i dont think of you.. Of all the things ... Said & Done .. Both good and bad ..
I hate the empty car spaces ... i hate all those places...
The harder i try ... the more Forcefully I get Hit by this ..'COLD' icely tidal wave of a stromy avalanche ... A sudden enormous amount of flooding Landslide of cold Powdery ice ... ' COLD ' like you ... & powdery cuz as it falls ,it looks so Harmless & weightless... & when it hits you it devours you completely ... Thats how u've hit me My Love .. Ever so soundlessly , yet consuming me Comepletely as a Whole .. gulped me down .. till i was No More ....

Thanks for wishing me on My birthday ... calling me a day before .. what were U scared of !?!?! that I'd ask u a favour ????!? I know ure a Happy man now .. Moved On & found ' That someone Special ' AGAIN .. haha ... Yes Am laughing .. the gift you gave me called ' insanity' as lead me to now laugh at my own misery & pain .. which in a way makes the Hurt less painfull .. so once again .. thank you .

You said i wasnt witty !!!!! WITTY ???? Well Excuse me for LACKING LUSTER !!! all thnx 2 u btw .. cuz u put a Straw in me & sucked out the last drop of Life left in me .. n now u think am gloomy !!
& U R Right .. that I AM MORE DIS CONTENT than before .. ever tried taking a Wild guess.. the cause behind it !!
& yes I have alot of Blessings in my life to be Thankful for .. & i am ..

But tell me .. Can all those Blessings .. pick up every tiny Bit & piece of Me , My heart & My Soul .. N mend me all over again ??? The pieces can be out together again momentarily or Glued together again .. but the cracks will always Remain .. Ready to Break Open Any time ...
so tell me

How to ...forget ...
How to .. Move on ...
How to diminish the Growing Hatred & Disgust inside me 4 U & the rest of the World
& most of all ..
How to .. fuckin Forgive ...
Yes Life's a Bitch & not a Joyride as you put it .. But uve made ' MY Ride ' now .. Scarier than ever ... & so I hope your ride becomes even more Scarier than Mine ... with your Bitch by your side , clinginy hard 2 you.. as it twists & turns in the endless pitches of darkness... and you dont ever get a chance to scream out loud .. like me ...
but u've moved on .. ever so effortlessly ...
Cuz u have a saviour .. to get you through life ... ' As always'
So Good Luck with your Happy ' Pious' Life .. ( with all the Un-pious actions)

but this I knw this for a fact No1 can measure up to what i did & was ready to do for you.. I put my heart , body , soul & existance into LOving you... Can she .. or any1 ever do that ??!?! Agree to every single word that comes out of your mouth ? stand by your every decision ?? Exist to make you HAPPY & see your SMILE ... nah .. i dont think so !!
So Go On live your Life ... Be merry .. Party ... have Fun Fun Fun ....
& if there is anything called
Maka fat-e- amal .. if there's any Truth or reality to it ..
then u'd suffer just like me ..
before you know it ...
It'll be Pay back time ...

' The Rightful Sentence '

During the entire trial ..
his eyes burned into her soul,
It made her a dark person,
made her lose all control.
Her free spirit was broken
by what he took away,
So she finally came back for it,
and today was the day.


While memories of the courtroom
roll round in her head,
She waits calmly in the corner
to turn this floor red.
Eyes not even blinking,
she prepares to make a ghost,
With knife in her hand
to remove the part she hates most.


The squeaky creek of his front door
is music to her ears,
She will look right into his eyes
when he realizes his fears.
She waits and watches patiently,
her stomach full of hate,
With acid in her throat,
the anticipation grows great.

He walks close to her corner,
then ever so close again,
Soon she can’t fight it,
her deadly temptation within.
She springs from her corner
with blade firmly in hand,
And the first cut to his body
was deeper than planned.


Blood sprayed ‘cross the room,
on her face it felt hot,
She smiled and sliced again,
with conscience forgot.
His screams made her angry
so she poured out more red,
Then the screams they just stopped,
and he whimpered instead.


With every part of him
covered in his own sticky mess,
She asks, “Before you meet GOD,
do you want to confess?”
He does not answer,
so one last time she thrusts deep,
And she twists and she turns
until he goes to sleep.


When they found his body,
they found hers as well,
Sliced wrists and a letter
saying goodbye to her hell.
She was dead in his bed
and in blood on the wall,
Was a message that said
“You let him get away with it all”

THe Song of the Mermaid ....

' This is about a woman scorned, who took her own life in the sea. She became a mermaid and lures sailors to their deaths to take her revenge...'



she cries into the night
a mournful hollow melody
filling the air with echoes
of a once joyful heart

she sings an unknown language
as she combs her hair of grass
tears fall from her eyes in salt drops
mingling with the ocean's churning froth

once she was a young beauty
graced with life and laughter
now she can only sing a siren song
a sad tune, destined to lure unwary sailors
to their doom,
as they drown in her careless smile

her heart was broken
in a selfish gesture
by a lover,
so untrue
now her unmerciful soul
will lead no-one home


her death in life so real
she lives not,
yet she breathes
called to the sea, to drown her tears
she marks not each day, tho each passes so quickly
she sought the peace of the waves
now it's hers
though not in death
but life again, sheathed in a scaly skin

no respite for travel weary sailor
can be found upon her shores
for she has no heart left
death inside her, reigns strong and free

she slips among the waves and sea creatures
in silent recognition
though none speak of her
to speak her name would be death.
she acknowledges no creature in her sadness..
only the sea weary sailors
lulling them to their eternal sleep
as they drown in her melodic voice

each rise of the sunday so new,
she stares into the blue horizon
as she sits upon weathered stone
amidst the crashing waves and sandy beach
screaming gulls fly overheadas undrying tears fall into a river of griefflowing so fast and freeto spread into the sea

in a song of mournful sorrow
she waits for the time
she has only seen her dreams
to see life again..
and free her from this life of death.

MY sleeplessness ...

Like a vengeful ghost to his murderer,
So you haunt me when I sleep...
Worked yourself into my subconscious mind;
Infiltrated my dreams.

Now it's become so hard to sleep...
With you on my mind and haunting me.
I loved you,
but laid my heart to rest;
But I always see you when I sleep...
Get out of my fantasies!
Get out of my dreams......
I miss sleeping peacefully...

Granted,
I cannot forget you...
But I was trying to move on.
Since you found your way into my heart,
I now know I held on too long...
Now I lay awake and wonder why...
You won't let me sleep but left me alive.
And now
I cannot forgive you.

Still I love you,
but I know better...
So why do you taunt me when I sleep?
Get out of my fantasies!
Get out of my dreams......
I miss sleeping restfully...
Here I lie without you,
Afraid to close my eyes...
You've hoodwinked my mind and now...
When I sleep..
I think you're mine...
Get out of my fantasies!
Get out of my dreams...

It's hard enough sleeping alone.

The Black & The Necromantic Love

Indifferent stranger of intimacy,
Foaming beast that crawls silently..
Whose daggers penetrate the soul..
Sharp..
Binding..
Warning..
never proclaimed...

The edges,
Not released by an angelic bow
Breaking down and breaking down
Scars come.. forth Scalding
solace wrenches into brains..
A facetious harvest...

Tissues pour flooded into memories vacant
Just vacuous!
Just a slash of the wrist!
Just a freezing absence!
Just our spurious embrace shattered!

Silky flesh now barren..
Wounded into lovely healing..
Desolate as an abandoned house..
Haunted by ghosts recanted to broken vows..

The emotional seizures become insatiable..
Shared through fallen,
ceilings
Buried,
burnt,
torn.

We repent.
We pray to an empty wall.
You are so lifeless and dead to me
A walking corpse with a cell phone..
You are just a bullet in my Beretta..
Piss and Dead drunk,
you are gulping ..
thunderstorms of my blood.

That quells burning orchids..
Glimpse at the lightning bolts ,
That encompass my torment.

Screaming winds that chant..
in a cappella the thundering echos..
of your voice...
tattooed permanently in my mind's recollections..
I have a bouquet of red roses,
my gift for you,
And its so wilted,
so dead...
just like us !

Damn you, Romeo
I celebrate your suicide
You are my Satan..
Make love to my depraved corpse..
We are now forsaken
And I love you so..

Confusion ...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness...

1 Month ...

Today is the 5th of August...
& am thinkin abt the 5th of Last month ...
that is the 5th of July..
Was it a Dream ?
or an illusion ...
& today the Bitter sweet Nostalgic feeling
grips My soul , ever so voilently !
A month gone by ..
then there would be
more days & months & years !
but will this feeling of infinite Loss ever Go????
*sigh*
nah... I dont think so ..
cuz i am after all a "BRAINLESS FOOL"
right?
So...
its gonna stay wid me ..
till the day ..
the Earth
consumes my dead Body..
But you know what would still be Alive ..
in my Lifeless body ..soon to rot away..

"YOU"...
you i'll take with me....

MY DEATH TO YOU

Seeing some many people crying over someone,
I wonder how many people will miss me if I die.??
Probably no one...

NO one will really miss me,
remember me,
or wear "R.I.P." shirt with my name on.

My eyes are wet as I found out the reality,
if I die,
it won't mean anything to anyone
They might even be happy for not meeting another freak for later days,
Cuz sensatation is what they won't pay.

SO realizing that ...
I approach a corner to cry,
should I die or should I try?

What am i getting from these Heartless people,
people... ha... With so much evil.

So ...
Why am I still living?
I'm no use but another hated human creation.
Everyday I'm here to receive pain,
and store it inside in every corner of my Heart and brain.

Death... come to me like whipsering quiet,
take away my soul as it's night.
I'm living for no one...
for no reason.

MY PRESENT I DEFINE

All the angers inside are built,
sometimes they try to crawl out of my skin.
I feel like I'm gonna break,
forgive me for loving you;
forgive me for my sin.
Sun is getting old like my pain,
moon's breaking apart like me.
No matter how hard I try,
I'm always the one to be blamed.
My heart deep down inside is starting to hate humanity.
I found myself with hatred and depression.
Insanity and fantasy only keep my days going.
I'm sick and tired of people and stupid humiliation.
All these words won't even covered the struggles that I'm facing.
Sometimes I just feel like want to commit suicide,
feel like leaving my body on the ground and the world all behind.
My head is all spinning...
I don't know what to do or decide.
This is my present and this is how I'll define....

Men wud Always be MEN !!

Oh Ure awfully happy & content .. & i thought U were taking things as i am ... !
Wow .. Wat a Wonferful Life .. & a Beautiful World .. Haina ????
Afterall U r a FAKE ...like everyone else !

And this Month Ends...

And Along with Everything Good ... THIS ONCE BEAUTIFUL Month Endzzz :((((((((

- Heartbreakin -

My silent Ramblings..

Today is no different from any day.. Same old same old.. the nostalgic sickness.. the immsense hurt in the torn bits and peices of my heart.. !! Nothing to do , nothing to say ..Nothing to do at all..
Though tedious routine keeps me busy with all the "Not SO" important things..same old monotony.. tiresome , wearisome, dull, deadly, dreary, humdrum, noxious, draining & mind numbing .. MEMORIES .. !
The fatal thoughts catch me unaware YEt again .. well .. Sorry and so ExCuse me for Bein Human !!
Words .. uff your words RING in my Head Still .. starting From friendliness to ingenuousness to closeness to sincerity to love to devotion to Promises .. Damn .. The GODAMN Promises!!
Finally ending with your remoteness , Coldness , distance ,Carelessness .. resulting into My solitute ,HeartBreak ,PAIN , Suffering, segregation, Cursing .. No I AM NOT DYING !!!! But its like FALLING OFF A CLIFF.... In SLOW MOTION ...NOt knowing when I will hit the bottom !!
My brain is filled up with all your words (good and bad ).. perfectly preserved .. like vocabulary in a Dictionary.. your laughter even.. words you asked that begger to say ! yes that still makes me smile despite how bad u hurt me ! i have been everywhere with you even while i wasnt with you... today i went past that place where i saw you for the first time., seems like centuries ago. but memories flooded back instantly .. like they always do .. 22 hours of the day out of the 24 ! and i was once again engulfed with the unbearable pain of the unbearable past !
You used to go insane if i was hurt or disturbed .. was it Really You ?? or another Time or maybe another Place !!?? Now U tell me that " I need to get a grip on myself cuz i am talking to

walls" Right ? WELL u know wat .. Walls still have the ability to penetrate Sound

or Voice .. So i'm not really talking to walls here.. I am Talking to A big boulder

of Stone..incapable of hearing ....Walls are man made maybe thats why they still

hold a bit of softness despite being Concrete .. But Stone is nature made .. Hard to

Break !

And "ONLY" was the word you used.. Yes It was .. Everything was an "empty ONLY" to you .. I know.. but as i said before It Sure as hell wasnt an "only" for me !!! Boy U sure have a Power of Superman to get over something like that !

Oh GO on .. LIVE yr Life ... !! Travel , Go to the damn movies with your friends .. & have JUST PLAIN fun .. FUN .. IN YOUR EMPTY world ..... as I suffer in MINE ...

But Still everyday is a Constant War in my mind i Face .. Whether The pain caused is By Loving U OR Hating You .. and still havent been able to Infilterate anything Final...
SO...

YES I LOVE U ... still u doh doh !!
But then again ..

I HATE YOU more than anyone & anything ...
But i guess I love you more .. Most of the times...

But Right Now...
I Really Really HATE you...... !!!

The Dying Light

I stand alone on silent nights,
my scared feelings dawn new light.
I cannot reap a soul nor weep,
and at night I cannot sleep.

For the demons wake in silent beds,
to pull all my fears and dread.
I must stay on my chosen path,
hope to outrun their demonic wrath.

I cannot stop 'til peace has shone,
but then I fear I am all alone.
Like a candle I flicker light,
shedding tears and shedding fright.

The people cling with all their might,
to hold on to my dying light.

My fears and dreams came close to me,
I've now Lost track what's right for me
And with your presence unknown,
In million people I feel so alone?

it requires so much strength to stop these tears,
Yet somehow i know,
your presence can wash my fears ..

and so I Dream ..

there's no fairy godmother,
to make my wish come true.
no genie in a bottle.
to bring me to you.
no prayer on a fallen star,
no magic potion in a jar.
but i can dream,
and when i do...
i dream that i'm there with you..

Again .... !

Everything I've done,
what I think I've succeed
to you it is nothing.
Everything I've believed
always haunt me down till I can't breathe.
Nothing in my life is "great",
Why do I need to survive?
I'll get a saw and let my body divide.
Feeling pain in my heart,
it all caused by you...
I really thought you're my saver though.
What do I care?
I'll be the same if you stab me more.
I trusted you cause I'm dumb,
from now on,
all my sympathies for people would get dumped.
My mind you deflowered,
my soul you destroyed.
I'm here with nothing... again.
You raped my heart and took my soul... again

Your eternal death

Taking the time and ,
Trying to let myself calm,
can't help but feeling am done.

Holding my feelings deep down inside,
can't control.. should I let it go?
You should be in my place,
when you start torturing me.

You don't know how much it hurts...
cause I know,
you don't have a heart.
So smile--be happy when you feel the pain,
let those invisible tears burn
and you shall see the flame.
You will, one day,
suffer like me,
you will see the torments that you didn't see.

You'll learn how to CRY Inside,
and your harsh days
will knock you off from side to side.

Violence will be in your way,
Abuse & Torture will,
lead you astray.

You'll learn to slit your wrist
and sleep in your bed,
don't worry...
don't be scared...
Darling Cuz it's just your eternal death !!!

God ....

Teach me to walk in the night,
when the trees’ silhouettes block my sight.
When all I can see are the darkend skies & stars over me,
Teach me to walk in the night.

Teach me to walk in the rain,
when my days fill with sorrow and pain.
When the clouds hide the sun ,
and my hopes are all gone,
Teach me to walk in the rain.

Teach me to walk all alone,
when my friends & loved ones have all left and gone.
When these friends prove untrue and,
I’ve no one but You,
Teach me to walk all alone.

Teach me to walk in the day,
Your warm sunshine,
my face to display.
When the world’s filled with light,
and my heart with No delight,
Teach me to walk in the day.

Teach me to walk by Your side,
all my problems in You to confide.
In the night,
in the rain,
all alone,
come what may,
Teach me to walk by Your side.

The Saddest Thing

The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you."

Cuz,

"You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to things you don't want to feel"

Ended ..

Her eyes are swollen.
Her cheeks are red.
Tears pouring out of the lonely girl.
Love was all she asked for.
She got walked all over.
It seemed that no one cared for what she believed in. A
s she lays in her bed,
saying a prayer to make the pain go away
She can't sleep, so she steers at his picture.
Trying to put the memories in her past.

She's waits to see,
how she's going to make it
. As she struggles to get out of bed,
thinking of what went wrong. S
he has lost all the faith and all the happiness.
She is lost in the waking of her day.
As she has no one to talk to.
She's done everything to try to make it.
As one night she made her choice,
She can't live without him.
She swore that she couldn't make it without him.
As days go by, she doesn't want to come out.
She wrote him a note,
saying that she will always love him.
One night she lost it.
Her mom came to get her,
because he came to see her.
She can't get her to answer her or the door.
As they break in her room,
they have found out they lost her.
She lays with the note and his picture on her chest.
He was too late,
she was gone and all he does is scream.
She had finally ended her pain...

IS THERE ANYMORE ..... ?

MY Lord ...

I ask U ..
Is there Anymore... ?

All my life ,
spent in a Daze..
Dark Shadows,
Broken Dreams,
Shattered Pieces..
just dont seem to Fade.

SO .. tell me .. IS there Anymore ..?

Pain,sorrow & suffering.
All my life ,
i had Nothing.
& if there was anything I Truely Loved,
why was it always snatched away from me.

Still i never complained,
& accepted all that you had to give.

But tell me .. Is there anymore ..?

I remember bein seven years Old.
eid is coming .
and i should be warm & happy,
But instead i'm freezing cold

My mind is in pieces
My emotions are raw
Coz i know it won't be long now
Till you close your heavens door.

I see so much Pain ,
In the House I live in .
angered souls
of people I believe Most in ..

Hatred Scattered Everywhere.
Love was something ,
that was Never Near .

And i never thought there could be MORE ... !

Yet everyday ..
My heart stopped,
and tears fell down my face
After such a brave battle,
I always Lost the race.

I never quite believed it,
& was Always overwhelmed with shock
I thought it was a bad dream,
and in a minute it would stop.

And time never stopped ,
it kept on going ..

I accepted with patience,
When my Own Flesh & blood
Those innocent little angles,
were taken away
wrapped in a white cloth
& buried in Mud ..

And Still i didnt lose Faith in YOU ,
This Thought alone Got me through
Those painful excruciating years of my life ,
Thinking U're the GOD
And you know what's Right.

& i thought There could not be More ....

Once was enough ..
But ..
i watched my heart break,
again & again ..
I became angry, full of rage
Why did YOU feel the need ,
to take all the Love away.

MY mom, My brother & i ,
We never hurt anyone
Or did anyone wrong,
And from the time i was five years,
all i'd been praying to YOU to save US,
for so long...

So if there is a god out there
I hope you hear me now
Why did you take my loved ones?
look at me now....

& tell me IS There Anymore now ?

Im broken,
faithless
and bruised
and if i'm completely truthfull
I no longer believe in you..

So if UR there please hear this prayer,
Please help me through this pain.
Please bring some sunshine in my life,
Coz right now its full of rain.

And Tell me ..Please .. Please ...
That At Last ...
THERE IS NO MORE .... !~

The Pretentious Fool

O ! U Pretentious FooL …
With Your High Hopes ..
U Drool ….

Full of curiosity..
Always searching for answers.
As if you dont know ...

That U're that Unfortunate Flower ,
that Sprung In Autumn...

When everthing around you
Was Brown & Grey ...
& all was Dead ...
Dead Leaves , dead Flowers & dead Trees
And all the plants & trees had completely Shed ...

But You Soar High ..
High.. in your Dreams..

Even though ..
U're A bird without Wings ..

Yet you just Play ..
Like an ignorant child..
but tell me..
How can those Houses stand long enough ..
when they are made of ..
just Plain Clay ..

And every time ..
You Fall ..
You bleed ..
And U're In Pain ..

And yet you dream ..
of a better day ...
Oh ! what a U Pretentious Fool you are...
U'll learn No matter what .. !

Tabby ...

The Heart breaker ..
The Soul taker ..
The love faker ..

The endless Pit ...

Falling in to an endless pit of despair
Tumbling over and over,
But still...
Falling ever so Silently,
In slow motion..
screaming only in my mind
The walls around me
me are black..
It sucks and sucks me Further down..
I have no Hold on anything now,
too Late for all escapes..
As i fall & fall & fall ...

falling in to and endless well of despair
Hitting the bottom to me would be a relief

AND ..DEATH AHH SO APPEALING
WHEN DESPAIR IS ALL U HAVE..

tell me how to ..

How do we console someone in despair?

When no action seems available to tackle

What is only inevitableWe say I am hereI could be there
I am not going anywhere.

How do we console someone in despair?

When no thought seems to give relief

To their truly visible grief

I think, I wish I knew

I wish I could see

The answer that you truly need

How do we console someone in despair?

When sitting watching our heart bleeds

As you see them plead

My heart goes out

Lies on my sleeve

As I sit and watch you grieve.

How do we console someone in despair

as you see them sit and stare?

What use to say “it isn’t fair”?
Did you ever sit

And watch a loved oneSit and glare

At what is not even there?

So Tell me how do we console someone in despair?