Trust me he said ...

Trust me, he said
and so of course she did
Having no other option
toes not touching bottom
she barely floated in this pool
of self esteem
The problem was age old
a question of definition
He meant it too, this man from Mars
speaking Venusian

Trust me on his red planet
means I'll do my best
In her ice blue sphere it meant
I'll be your everything
which no one
can provide
and no one
could survive
So, pure as the driven snow
they drifted

Lives lived not up or down
but slantwise
Sliding off the edge
of talking
skidding away
from listening
slipping off the road
of caring
It was said at the inquest
bad weather caused the wreck

Debris was hauled away
broken bones splinted
All the oil slicks
sanded down
and traffic quickly back
to normal
whenever He saw her
The eyes of Venus believed
as a Martian told her, trust me

The Stranger In the Mirror ...

Who are you…staring back at me?
Your eyes attached to all I see
Hiding ‘neath a mirrored pane
You gaze intently…but in vain.

What do you see inside my eyes?
Can you explain the hows and whys?
That bring me back here to this place
So you can gaze upon my face.

There’s no one in whom to confide
About the suffering locked inside
You’ve come to be a special friend
Linked with my image till the end.

Your vision’s clear…though mine is cracked
I see the hopes.. my life has lacked
What do you see inside my eyes?
Can you see past the doubts and lies?

Imprisoned in your ornate frame
You cannot call me out by name
But I know you’ll always be there
Awaiting me to stop and stare.

What do you see inside my eyes?
Nothing you say ..to my surprise

Happy Birthday 2 me :((((

I am a Woman ...

I am ...
A woman
With a full heart, hidden
Somewhere in an empty room ...
With eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet
Neither all of summer's green;
I wonder ...
If love is a tale made for children --
A granting of sweet dreams in their innocence --
A honey-coating to help their throats
Choke down the bitter draught ...
I hear ...
A voice that whispers warnings, half-formed,
Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw
Another breath unless this spectre be unmasked,
His lies mangled ‘neath my righteous tread;
I see ...
A woman, proud, uncompromising,
Diaphanous as air -- less, even, than the tears
That fall in desolation about her weary feet,
Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground ...
I want ...
A measure of quietude, a certain silence,
The echo of alone which heals me of dreaming,
The nothing that stills the wanting,
The numb, the cold that laughs at pain;
I am
A woman,
hidden ...

I pretend ...
That I can live forever -- that Time
Has no puissance but that which I afford Him --
And so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow,
Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking ...
I feel ...
Too much -- too deeply to be directionless,
Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes
Hold nothing of recognition -- only my reflection --
A meeting of shadows in sunlit glass;
I touch ...
The downy wings of hope, in wonder,
In reverence, in need, in hunger;
It burns my fingers as a flame,
A sacrilege, self-defined ...
I worry ...
That I am alone; that in my longing
I have forsaken all -- but oh, what reward,
What smile divine should light the path to freedom --
And how can I but heed the siren's call?
I cry ...
For having too much, for fear of bursting,
And then, when by the pouring of my soul
I lie, a vessel emptied, I cry again
For what was had, and lost;
I am
A woman,
empty ...

I understand
That life is what you make it,
That sometimes, the coat of many colors
That marks your triumphs brightly, blends only
To loneliest of grey ...
I say
That we are made by life, shaped,
Broken, perhaps -- unmade and voided --
But always, the core of us remains, waiting
With only faith, with trust, to be reborn;
I dream
Of bluest waters, reaching
With unnatural hands toward the faded sky,
Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits,
Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds ...
I try ...
To lead by example, knowing
That merely the telling holds no power;
A gift of giving is merely a day, while
A gift of knowing spans forever;
I hope ...
That my darkness holds you gently,
That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling
Wields nothing past the words it summons,
Except that it touch you with only healing ...
I am
A woman,
only.

Why is it easy to fall in love and yet so hard to be loved back?
why should I feel such if destiny permits me not?
why do I have to fall if its you I cant have?
why is there a "you" in "me" but never a "me" in "you"?

Love that we can not have
is the one that last the longest,
hurts the deepest..
and feels the strongest.

-- Its amazing how you make your face just like a wall,
how you take your heart and turn it off,
how I turn my head and lose it all.

A song ive always loved ........

- rip Patrick Swayze

SIGH ........... Beautiful ...

Damage U caused...

days
months
years pass..

i still hold u
Near and Dear ..
Not a single day goes by
that doesnt bring back memories.

You on the other hand
Sleep..
peacefully every night in the arms of a beloved.
you spend your days in sunshine.
you laugh with an open spirit
you experience happiness with an open heart.

Those are the blessings i can
no longer experience.
Cuz uve stabbed my heart dead.

Ive suffered long and hard.
your life moto is
"carpe diem"
while i dwell on memories of U.
good and bad.
Haunted.
your ghost sticks to me
day and night.

But now its time to Stop.
Time to stop the insanity,
Time to stop the hurt,
Time to let go Of you
and your twisted memories.

I want to be free
and i want to be happy and healthy.
SO SCREW U BASTARD.

You do not deserve my time
my thoughts
my love.

I will try to forgive u.
as they say
"to forgive is DIVINE"
But Divine is only GOD.
I wont say i will even try to forget you
cuz i know i wont be able to.
You've been mixed in my blood
like a cheap drug ..
No matter how many rehabs i get into..
I will always fall into bad habbit,
thoughts of you
" An Addiction "
I cant completely RID myself off..

But i Promise u this..
I WILL NOT LOVE U ANY LONGER.

GOD is great...
and he does work in mysterious ways..
and i do feel we have some unfinished bussiness ,
left between us.. and YES I STRONGLY believe ..
" What Goes around , comes around "
and All praises be GOD's ...
HE is not unjust.

Justice will prevail..

But I NO LONGER
hold u
Near Or Dear.

"Wabasta teri hayaat se
sabhi silsilay hain magar ...
Dost...
meri zindagi mukhtasar hai tere liye"

Preserved Forever .

There's a corner of my mind you own
and I don't want it back
but will always be aware
of where it's gone,
who holds the mortgage

If it were land,
only wilderness would do
Untouched,
untrod places in my mind
Where there's a house,
a fireplace, reflecting warmth
Soft wines and conversation,
over candlelight

Your ownership treads lightly on my land
A moccasined foot that leaves no trail
letting me look back upon myself
to wonder..
if you were really there at all ?

Shola tha..
jal bujha hoon..
Hawaayein mujhe na do..
main kab ka ja chuka hoon
Sadaayein mujhe na do

Jo zahar pi chuka hoonn
tumhein ne mujhe diya
Ab tum to zindagi ki duaayein
mujhe na do

Aisa kabhi na ho ke ..
palat kar na aa sakoun
Baar dur ja ke
sadaayein mujhe na do..

kab mujhe ko Aitaraaf-e-Muhabbat na tha ..' faraaz'
kab mai ne ye kaha tha
Ke sazaayein mujhe na do...


... Ahmed Faraz ~

Sanity Spent ..

A time when lights could not be shut off
even with their cords pulled from the wall
Harsh and bright and made of nameless stuff
The hidden facet of my every wish and fear
shining for friends and enemies alike to see

A time when every word spoken low and softly
rang amplified a thousand times and more
Shouted from rooftops and silent streets
My every thought a known thing, naked
No secret too submerged for common view

A time of weariness and wariness combined
Close to madness, yet not so well defined
Transparency of soul if soul I even have
Where's the madness to be seen through glass
A life better lived with uncurtained windows

Comfort to be had, a settlement of all disputes
where those for and those against can come
to see well lit, amplified, diaphanous displays
of every treasured love and art I hold
No longer covered and withheld but spent.

Loneliness has friends ....

When focusing
on my inner haze..

Veiled in darkness they all stand,
Passions
wishes
thoughts
and meanings

'Meaningless'
I'm the plaground ..

Thoughts just play inside me
Just as kids play in a maze..

Once a upon a time .... this song started a story ......

its still the most beautiful song ever ...

in the middle of nowhere ..

I am the white daisy
that stands alone in a corn field.
the Only one ,
among the stretched yellow

whilst , the beaming and gleaming field
i stand alone.
thunderstorms...
break every sunset
there is a downpour of rain
and then there is burning heat
while the yellow
stand ..
weathershielded,


It is I ..
who stands so fragile
right in the middle
yet ,
so secluded, sequestered, cloistered

Like confinded in a monastery
a convent ...
sworn solemnly
an Oath of Eternal loneliness and damnation ..

I am discriminated
the single one of my kind ,
ridiculed
like the jews in colonial times.

its Antisemitism at large.
the inhospitible environment
hostile and antagonistic .

and as if the foes,
lacked on the ground ..
and disasters,
lacked from the angry skies above,
At the break of every dawn
from somewhere
between the earth and the skies

the black crows descend
to feed ..

and i am as lonely
as the one single sun in the universe
A one man army.

the scarecrow
who stands a few feet away
is not scary anymore
or rather pretends to look away
everytime the crows attack
not bothered..

Yet i survive ..
in the most unexplained mysterious way.
i survive.

like a mysterious inscription on the ancient tomb ..
i stand the test of time and disasters
time has cracked me
yes ..
but Not broken ..
Not yet ..

~You Wont find This ...

The yellow brick road .. that leads to OZ

Let's walk along the yellow brick road
in a world full of gnome kings, dreams,
and lost ruby slippers.
I'm as brave as the lion,
as smart as the scarecrow,
as loving as the tin man,
as white as the Wicked Witch.
But all those things you know about me...
and you walk with me still
along the yellow brick road,
in my ruby slippers,
to the Emerald City.
Please realize, though,
I don't need you.
I'm not nearly as helpless as Dorothy.
You are the Munchkins, the Ozians,
all unnecessary accessories.
You are the wizard; useless.
I won't fall for your words,
promises and false lines.
I won't fall for it.
Because, after all, it is Oz
and we all wake up sometime...

The Screaming Emptiness .....

alone i sit and listen
to the sounds of emptiness
singing to me , the one with empty arms
and broken dreams

everything i ever wanted , seems
unreachable or taken by another
Is fate a cruel prankster , with an unfunny joke?

i wonder at times ,if Destiny
has deemed me to wander all alone forever?
never knowing a lovers caress,or the passion in his eyes

at times the emptiness is maddening
the tears fall and melt into my pillow
the lonliness enveloping me once again
i curse my longing soul

i watch others and still can smile at their joy
but at times , the hurt is raw
a reminder of what i dont have
and maybe never will

No one's laughter or knowing smiles
no cuddles in the break of day light
my words and cries heard whispered in the darkness
only by my god and me

so many broken dreams , promises
all came to me times past but do nothing in the now
for now i am alone in life
with unanswered songs

never touching the realness
of a lovers face and hair
only staring at the space of nothing and feeling more alone then i ever belived i could be

Never did i belive i would end up this way
to end each day hungering for the touch
of the one i love. But he isnt here ,
the object of my affection, the dark prince of my longings

Screaming in my mind , shattering my heart
like broken glass, i am tired of being all alone
i face alone the day in my bed ,noctural angel all alone
in the void of emptiness that is my world.
forever.

This does say just abt Everything ...............

TU Jaane Na ...............

Whisky Lullaby ~

Whisky Lullaby ~

Happy ......

....................