FALL

( for Eric Schaeffer .. the man who inspired me to write again ... & also for the Man .. who'd never know how much i loved him .... always)

I was a funny little man. Needed the fan's help just to make it out of bed every morning. But luckily I was blessed with the best fans in the league. For the rest of the day I needed God's help. But luckily I was blessed with the best God in the league, too


So many universes,
So many Planets,
So many countries
So many Cities,
So many cabs,
So many cab drivers,
So may streets,
So many people,
So many years,
So many months,
So many hours,
So many moments.
Be careful what you pray for ..God ! that was always a tough one for me.


There are those times when you know without a doubt that there is a GOD.
" The Chills "
'You just get those Chills '

Why if words i knew..
Why is notions whose faces at times sleep with me..
Why, when all is all
& nothing is alone,
Can i only say again & again ,
" Your SMILE slays me'

I cant ever wait to see you again.

Candle light "
" steel blue-gray clouds over small lights"
" Sweet balance & snowflakes on the steps waiting "
" Like me.... for you to.... Fall "
..if Only you were able to move..to go to .. fall .

I know how deep your smile,
how hard your love,
how far your longing,
how wild your pleasure
..if you are able to Fall .
To see you there ..then.. would tickle me crazy,
To see you then in the embrace of that Fall.
But i already know that view ..

YOU have that smile ..
your eyes for another bring that ---
" that love , that joy , that Fall " .

Therefore I hum , I sigh , I giggle, I kiss , I smile , I know , I bow , I go
having had the joy--
having had the very joy. I ever desired for you.
Only for YOU ..
" And your Fall ...
for HIM "

I long for you in my arms.
" When you're there, i know a magic " !
"The Stars, the sands & sunsets & secrets whisper"
I know a moment that Rains & Dawns
The moons & loves devour.

I Know a Calm , a Chaos , a Close
" a Capture that my heart dies for.
I know you, there , then , in my arms...in the shadow of my yearning for you.
..there then .. in my arms forever.

when you sure that GOD has same intentions as you --
not even intentions --
Inspiration.... that its finally your turn ...

The Rush , the Calm , the Excitement , the Lack of words to describe that feeling...
" Those Chills "
You just get those Chills again ..

I've wanted to tell you for a while now
I wanted to say it as you , reached for a teacup in your kitchen
that night we fought about --
"why do we have to eat chinease on your floor " ? -- and then made up

I wanted to say it as the Moonlight shone in on you as you slept in your bed
when i felt you heart racing against my chest
In your suite foyer in Spain --when you first saw your Roses even though i wasnt there.

--But mostly i wanted to say it last night i saw you
as i held you in my arms..
looking down at your precious face..
I wanted to say it so badly, to tell you that .
The words each time graced my lips
like an imposter , only to fall away like some great blizzard,
that was taken out to the sea,
to rain its fury on the dark oceanes alone,
Unbeknownst... to any hearing.

I pray that you can hear them for what they are.
Feel them for what they are & NOT mar them with the knowledge, that they stand apart from your ability to reciprocate them !

Please take them in your Heart & feel them with your eyes closed & your Soul open for ' just a moment' .. my voice speaking them softly in your ear with a kiss-

"when you smile,
when your head lightly moves to dance,
when we kiss ,
when you ramble over a glass of wine,
when you act boldly,
when you laugh,
when you squeeze my hand,
when you call my name ina gruff whisper
when your heart races on my chest in a close embrace,
"When you love me " !!!!!!!!!

What I'm sad about is Selfish .
I'm sad at God's timing.
I'm only a man and as a man I miss uyou.
I Miss you terribly
I miss your Kiss
I miss your Smile
-- How i miss your SMILE --

But most of all ... I miss the moment that hasnt happened yet.
"The moment when you let yourself 'FALL' for me "

what makes it hard for me is knowing how much you Care for me.. how much in a way you do love me.

How much you would enjoy smiling wryly-- as you hurled yourself beackwards off the cliff & said .
-- " Catch me baby " --

If i didnt know that i could make you a Villain ... me a Victim & soothe myself...
..But i cant because it isnt the truth.
" The truth ,we both know"
" The truth is , not today "

I know that you're not leaving him for me & i wouldnt want you to .. I would want you to leave him for You.

I slso know you would never fly a million miles to see me smile at you !
" SOMEDAY maybe , but not today "

SO i guess ..i better Disappear.
I know you will be okay.. and soon i will be too.

And maybe, Just maybe if GOD so desires the day will come when , as friends we will find ourselves accidentally strolling alone white cliffs of Dover or the mountain rocks of Mendocino, or the Bonny Emerald north of the Scottish Seaborad , or the glistening harbour of Old New York .

And from the Heights in the Stars ....amongst the angels whose arms will cradle us ,,,
In a moment neither none of Us was told about ...
But knew like our oldest Happiness,
We will look into each other's eyes & know it is TODAY



It is Today ..
& whether that day is tomorrow or next week or next year or next lifetime.
I will finally get to tell you on your sweet face, the face that i will miss more than i could ever tell ...that I love you.
" I Love You "
oh baby , i love you ---

And you , you Smile wryly , Close your eyes & say

-- " Catch me baby .... and FALL " ----


I was a funny little man. Needed the fan's help just to make it out of bed every morning. But luckily I was blessed with the best fans in the league. For the rest of the day I needed God's help. But luckily I was blessed with the best God in the league, too !--And boy ! did HE come to Play ...
That Crazy GOD always comes to Play.

( To the Celebration of Slain Hope )

---- by Eric Schaeffer
--- from the movie " Fall "